More Children, A Burden Or A Blessing

Is Having More Children A Burden or A Blessing?

The world would have us believe one perspective. What does the research say?

What does the Bible say about this topic? 

Is it biblical to be married and not have children, or have one or two?

Then, I have a big announcement at the end of today's podcast. 

I would love to connect with you on Facebook, and feel free to join our group, Thriving Fatherhood, where I offer more on how to thrive in fatherhood.

Transcript

Episode 23 More Children, A Burden or A Blessing?

Welcome to the Thriving Fatherhood Podcast, where we are living and working in the trenches to go from surviving to thriving in this mission field called fatherhood. 

My name is Brian Knight. I am a father of three, a husband, a son, a coach, and a believer in Jesus Christ.

Today, I am going to be talking about whether children are a burden or a blessing. Specifically, having more children. Many people are ok with having one or two children, that kind of checks the box for them.  Ok, I have had kids, now let’s get them grown and out of the house and let me get back to serving me and doing what I want to do and going where I want to go. This is a little harsh way of saying it, but it goes like this for some people in their minds. 

Pew Research:

The once-dominant four-child family has been replaced by the two-child family. A plurality (41%) of moms at the end of their childbearing years now report having two kids, while just 14% have four or more children. Meanwhile, the share of mothers at the end of their childbearing years who have one child has doubled – from 11% to 22%. 

In the modern world, I think children are often looked on as an extra burden from a financial, time, freedom of get up and go, being able to work more or fully invest in your career standpoint. I have seen this in many people’s lives. I see the successful business owner who is in their early forties and is female and has chosen to run their online business over having children. Now, I want to say, children are not for everyone, but I do think the World encourages us to be focused on ourselves rather than the upfront sacrifice it takes to raise children, especially when they are young. I would argue that the blessings will far outweighs the expenses, time, sleepless nights you experience raising them. I do feel there are a lot of people who focus on the cost, but will find after they can no longer have children that they will regret not having had more. 

My Aunt was talking to me at work the other day and mentioned that she wishes she would have had more than one child now. She comes from a six-child family. Each person has their own situations and experiences. She may have not wanted to have more than one child with the man who is her son’s father, and who she is no longer married to. I am not sure he really has that great of a relationship with his son. The point being is while you have a chance do not underestimate the opportunity to have another child.

I have not had anybody mention to me that they regret having another child or maybe, they have just not told me. 

I listened to a sermon by pastor Voddie Bauchman about having children and he really opened up my perspective on fatherhood as one of the best ways to grow the kingdom and make disciples for him. This really took the focus off of me and put it on God’s kingdom and his glory. I knew at that point I wanted to have at least three children.

Personally, I grew up as an only child and I wish now that I had siblings. To give my parents credit, they wanted to have three children, but I was born with some medical problems which the doctors at the time thought might be genetic. I am pretty sure that is not the case for the issue I have, anyways my parents decided not to have any more children so they would not have to put another child through what I went through. 

 Being an only child can feel lonely sometimes. When my parents pass, I will be the only one handling matters for the most part, there will be no siblings to help me. I guess this could be a double-edged sword depending on who you ask.  Still, it would be nice to have someone to talk to about your parents who is in the same boat as you are when it comes to siblings. So, I want to make sure my children have the opportunity to experience the good and bad of having siblings.

I have been a nurse for almost twenty years now and I have taken care of many chronically ill patients and some at the end of their life. When they have lived a life serving their family and, in many cases, if they had multiple kids, they were at their bedside holding their hand, advocating for their dyeing parent, or taking care of business financially or with the medical team. On the other hand, my patients who did not have children, or were never around while they were being raised, for the most part died alone with no one there at there bedside if they are not married or their spouse has already passed, themselves. 

 Psalm 127:4–5: “Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”

But the symbolism relates more to security within the family. Having a quiver full of children was a gift from God because it would protect the family when the parents no longer could. A quiver full of children could also defend against those who might take advantage of elderly parents.

From Got Questions.org

Children are and always will be a blessing from God—no matter how a child becomes part of one’s life. But even though God has declared children to be a blessing from Him and procreation is part of the mandate for humanity at large, nowhere does the Bible state that every married couple must have or desire to have children. Again, infertility—at any age—is not a sign of God’s displeasure. Couples without children are in no way less valuable or important to the kingdom of God than those with children. In fact, one might make the case that couples without children are able to devote more of their energy and focus to kingdom work than those with children, much like single people (see 1 Corinthians 7:32). Married, single, with children, or without children, every child of God is an important member of His family and an integral part of the body of Christ. God’s specific will for every individual and every couple is different. For many, God’s will includes having children, whether naturally or through adoption. For others, His will does not involve having children.

For those who want children yet are unable to have them for any reason, committing the desire to God in prayer is best. He can help you walk through the painfulness of the journey and also help you live out His best in this season. For those who do not desire to have children, committing the desire to God in prayer is also best. Sometimes our lack of desire is God-given. Other times, it is driven by past hurts, fear, or selfishness. When we expose our hearts honestly before God, He can help us sort out the mess, bring healing, and give us the desires of His heart.
 
 It is all too easy for our desires for our own lives to become idols. Even good desires, when they take the place of God in our lives, become idols. All of us, no matter our life situation or stage, do well to examine our hearts, be honest with God in prayer, search His Word for wisdom, and commit our lives to Him. Ultimately, it is God who satisfies our hearts, and our lives are to be lived for His glory alone (Romans 12:1–2; Psalm 37).

I was trying to look for a good time to share this news in the podcast, but now is as good as any time and it is what inspired this episode for me. Bethany has found out that she is pregnant with our fourth. She is about five or six weeks along now and is due at the end of April. 

I think my greatest worry about having a fourth child is, will the child be healthy. We have been blessed with healthy children so far, but I have seen what some other parents have had to go through and me and Bethany wonder if we could handle that with all that we are doing now for three healthy children. The answer is God has equipped us and will get me through any challenge that is thrown our way. We have a very stable family life now and have a lot of friends and family for support so I am sure God has us right where he wants us.

This is our last planned pregnancy. If we have an oops later on, then we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I am in my mid 40s and Bethany is in her upper 30s. My wife says her 30s was about having children and now she wants her 40s to be about raising the children. She is excited to possibly be done with the birthing process, but she still does enjoy being pregnant. 

It has been a wild ride so far and it is far from over yet. That is why I am here; I am living this life right along side you fathers out there. I am just sharing what is going on in my life and see if I can offer some value through my experience and how I approach situations and decisions. 

That is what I have for you today; if you feel this show has been valuable to you, I encourage you to share it with one other father who could gain some insight from it and wants more thriving in their lives. 

Also, I would love to hear about your experience. Do you feel having more children is a burden or a blessing? Please share that with me in the comments below. 

Also, if there is a topic you are interested in me talking about or have questions, please send it to knightbri@gmail.com. You can also check out my website at brianjknight.com and the private Facebook group called Thriving Fatherhood.