Should A Married Mom Work Outside The Home

Today, I will be talking about married moms working outside the home. 

This may be a touchy topic for some, but I am not coming at it from the standpoint of telling you what is right or not right for your family. 

Other topics discussed:

Is it biblical for a married/mom to work outside the home, or should she stay home with the kids?

What are some advantages of a married/mom working outside the home and not working outside the home?

What are some half-truths you may be telling yourself about why this is not possible for your family from a financial standpoint? 

I would love to connect with you on Facebook, and feel free to join our group, Thriving Fatherhood, where I offer more on how to thrive in fatherhood.

Transcript

Welcome to the Thriving Fatherhood Podcast, where we are living and working in the trenches to go from surviving to thriving in this mission field called fatherhood. 

My name is Brian Knight. I am a father of three, a husband, a son, a coach, and a believer in Jesus Christ.

Today, I am going to be talking about married moms working outside the home. This may be a touchy topic for some, but I am not coming at it from that standpoint today. Ultimately, whether your wife or partner works outside the home is up to you and your wife or partner. I am not here to convince you one way or the other. I am going to share with you my experience and perspective, because I have been on both sides of this coin.

My wife and I, our story is Bethany worked for about the first two or three years outside the home after we got married. We have been married for over 8 years. Once we had our first child, it started getting more complicated. Our first born has been our most difficult to raise versus my other two. We do have some support from grandparents, but it is not the best. My mom is really the only one that reliably takes the kids on a regular basis. Her mom does help some. She currently lives with us now and does help Bethany with the kids at times. 

I talk a lot about kids in this situation, because they are a big factor, it is different with little babies versus school aged kids, and it is different with young school aged kids versus teenagers. 

Our youngest is five months, and recently our local church is been in dire need of a children’s ministry director. Bethany has a real heart for our church and the children at our church. So, she has been thinking about this position for a while. They have a part-time position that may be temporary, and there is the full-time position. We looked at both options very carefully and prayed about it. I really wanted Bethany to be able to do the full-time position, but when we looked at the hours and commitment, we knew the part-time option was the only option that made sense. Our house is stretched enough as it is, you add a full-time job onto Bethany’s responsibilities something is going to have to give. Honestly, we do not need the money, and I would rather our household have stability than a little extra money. 

So, Bethany has taken this position which has a max of 20 hours per week. Personally, she feels good about it and I feel good about it. The only thing that worries her is it may be temporary and she worries that someone will come in later and change all that she is working so hard to build at the church. I told her that going full-time is a huge commitment, this way you get a chance to dip your toe in the water and see what it is like working at the church, and see how your schedule accommodates the extra demands and trying to juggle child care on top of that. Who knows where it will go from here, but we feel like with her going part-time she is testing the waters of working outside the home and seeing what she is capable of with three small kids. 

Next, I want to read what Got Questions.org has to say about married moms working outside the home. If you have never heard of Got Questions.org, be sure to check out this great resource.

The subject of stay-at-home moms is one that has caused much controversy, especially in Western nations where many women work outside the home. There really are only two direct verses/passages that talk about a mother staying at home with her children. Titus 2:3-5 says, "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." The other direct verse is 1 Timothy 5:14, which says, "So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander." Another translation for the phrase "to be busy at home" in the Titus 2 passage is "to be keepers at home."

Also consider some indirect verses. Proverbs 14:1 states that it is wise for a woman to invest in her home. While it is not necessary to be a stay-at-home mom in order to invest in your home, we see the priority that God places on the home and the woman’s involvement. Clearly, the home is not to be neglected for the sake of outside employment. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 teaches the importance of constantly teaching our children. Of course, this is addressed to fathers as well as mothers. Staying at home with children would only give more opportunities to teach children God’s ways. So it is a positive investment to be made in children’s lives by applying this passage of Scripture literally.

Finally, Proverbs 31 is the well-known passage about the wife and mother of excellence. From the description of her, we learn that this mother did work outside of the home. However, her family never lacked anything. She maintained a proper balance, so her family never suffered. Her family was always her priority. While the Bible leaves women the choice whether to stay at home with the children or go to work outside the home, it certainly is a commendable thing for a mother to be at home with the children and devote herself to training them full time. Women are definitely encouraged in Titus 2 and 1 Timothy 5 to stay at home with their young children. Whatever a woman chooses, she must maintain her home as a priority and her primary sphere of influence.

Long story short, there is no biblical evidence that a married mom should not be working outside of the home or that she has to be home all day with the kids. However, it appears to be encouraged and wise for married moms to stay at home with the kids.

Lets hash out the advantages of both and then we will discuss some of the thoughts that may be swirling around in your head about your wife needing to work in order for you to survive in this inflation filled, keeping up with the Jones world we live in.

Advantages: Of not working

Not pay for child care for the most part. That is a saved expense

Teaching your children while they are young. Otherwise, you are mostly dependent on others raising your children.

Your wife is able to pick kids up or drop them off, stay home with them when they are sick so you can go to work, take a nap from being up with kids at night so you can get your sleep and be alert at work, she is able to be home for home repairs, maintenance and estimates on work, she is able to pick up marketplace items. She is better able to keep the house in order as well. 

Advantages of working:

Extra income: some make more than their husbands. This can be a huge factor. At that point, who is going to stay home, if anybody.

Your wife may feel more productive by pursuing her own passions or as children’s ministry director duties as Bethany is with this new job.

It gives her a break from the kids and gives her a chance to do meaningful work outside the home. 

Use your time more efficiently. This came from Bethany herself. She feels with the part-time job she has to be more on her A game and there is less margin in her schedule. Especially, when the kids are in school. 

Now, I know a lot of you are saying Brian my wife has to work out of the home. We can not afford for her to stay at home, and that may very well be true. But, I want to challenge that for a moment. What does your lifestyle look like? Are you really prioritizing what is important or are you just focused on lifestyle and stuff that will ultimately not even matter? Really! If you have a brand new truck, or whatever sitting in the driveway and you are telling me your wife/mother has to work. That is one of the reasons they have to work, because you want new vehicles. That is a lifestyle choice and everytime you choose to up your lifestyle with new vehicles, big fancy houses, private school tuition, fancy vacations, you are making it more difficult to saying yes to your wife/mother being able to stay at home. This is my opinion and something I have come to realize over time.

Now, if you are in your 20s out there and you did not own a home before all the prices went up. It is going to be tough on a modest income depending on where you live. Just realize there is more to a legacy than making money, and I know that is hard to see, but you are investing in your family. 

Ultimately, this is a decision you and your spouse need to make before having kids, and maybe before you get married. Both of you need to know the other’s expectations up front. If you can not figure it out or agree amongst yourselves then seek wise counsel from your pastor, a trusted mentor, or other been there and done that, usually older people in your lives. 

I know I probably missed a lot, but I had a lot on my mind around this topic and wanted to share it with you fathers out there just in case this is something that has been on the back of your mind.

That is what I have for you today; if you feel this show has been valuable to you, I encourage you to share it with one other father who could gain some insight from it and wants more thriving in their lives. 

Also, I would love to hear how you and your spouse have come at this situation. What are the Whys for a mother working or not working outside the home? Please share that with me in the comments below.